Probably wishes he Hadn't asked.

Just this last week my very first serious, longterm, ex-boyfriend messaged me on myspace inquiring why I wrote a song about him that I have posted on my music page.
The lyrics of the song are as follows:

Time and time again you try to get in touch with me
but I've told you time and time again, don't f**kin' talk to me
I loath you
cause you're a worth less piece of shit.
If you really knew how I felt
you couldn't handle it

Get away
leave me alone
and that's really all you need to know.
Stay out of my Life
and leave me alone
That's really all you need to know.

I don't see what part of "leave me alone"
you don't understand
I walked out and left and said it's forever
so accept it like a man.
I loath you
cause you're a worthless piece of shit
If you really knew how I felt
you couldn't handle it.

Get away
Just leave me alone
that's really all you need to know
Stay out of my life
and just leave me alone
that's really all you need to know

There's still so much damage
I'm still tryin' to repair
from all the fucked up things you did
while pretending that you cared.
There's nothing you can do
to fix what you did.
I've said this so many time
why can't you just get over it.

And GET Away!....
Chorus..... blah blah blahbidy blah....

So this is the message Tyler sent me:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: $ TDUB $
To: Maggie Faleschini [Is writing a new album]
Date: Mar 18, 2009 4:39 PM
Subject: mags...


Well so much has changed since last time we talked... I wanted to know if you would plz.
tell me what made u write that song "you need to know"


-------------------------

Really Tyler? You really need to ask what I meant by the fuckin' song?!?!?!?! I wrote this song 2 years ago. Sure we talked on the phone like 4 months ago. Sure it was a "pleasant" conversation.... But You know what our relationship was like. You were in it!!! Hello. Just because we talked doesn't mean that I want to all of a sudden be special "great friend".... Negitive

What follows is my very blunt and honest response to his absurd message:

Oh Tyler,
where do I even begin to explain the inspiration for the song I wrote. I suppose a lot of my incentive came during that period of time when I made it oh so very clear that I wanted nothing to do with you, and yet you kept calling and calling and calling.
Another muse was the fact that then and still now, you refuse to acknowledge soooo many of the awful disrespectful, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and completely fucked up shit that you did to me during the course of our relationship.
You claimed to love me, and yet your actions told me otherwise. Despite this evidence, for some reason I wanted to believe that your intentions were genuine.... and that you just didn't understand what you were doing.... However, as time has gone on it's become more clear to me HOW aware you were of what you were doing, and yet you willingly hurt me over and over again.
Time and Time again I allowed myself to be completely torn down emotionally by you. I let you bruise and batter my confidence in every way that you knew how. And man, the number you did on me.
After a great deal of distance I came to realize how fatal our relationship had been to my soul.
More than anything I wanted you to leave me the Fuck alone so that I could heal and move on, and no longer feel the HATE in my heart that I had for you. A hate that any thought of you brought boiling back up to the surface. You knew that if you didn't leave me alone, I wouldn't be able to truly move on. In a sense, that song was my PLEA to you, to let me go, and understand that there's NO future for us. EVER!

In a nut shell.... that is why I wrote that song about you, to you, or what have you....

I'm sure you now wish you hadn't asked. But you reap what you sew. You always wanted me to be honest with you, but I was too afraid back then. I'm not so fragile or afraid anymore! :-) Thank GOD!

----------------------------

THe end of my silly ridiculous story, that perhaps someday someone might stumble upon and bask the oopportunity to observe the stupidity of people who are just "NOT Right in the HEAD"!!!!!!!!

MagPie out.

Straight Forward

I desperately try to be a person that is eloquently articulate, concise, and still unique. I communicate the best way that I know how, but I know that I am not always 100% successful. I really try and learn from my mistakes, and grow, and change and move closer to the Me that I can see in Head, the ME that I so desperately want to be....
But nothing cant be instantaneous. Learning takes time. Changing takes time.

I am not a fan of flakiness. It is something that really really bothers me. I feel rejected when people flake on me. And it's 10 fold when they don't even bother to inform me that they are going to flake. I know that everyone lames out at times. I am just as guilty of it as the next guy. However, I make a point to let people know that I am not going to make it. It really irritates me when people can't have the respect to just say they're not feelin' it. whatever IT may be.....

Why must some people be so "intentionally confusing?" Almost like that sentence.

I feel dilusional from this Ulcer thing that's going on. My throat hurts, like my glands are inflamed. With that, my brain is just out of it, my stomach, esophagus has calmed down, and doesn't hurt so much any more, but my whole body still hurts. I know I should call Dr. Abel....
I'm sure having an intense session with him would snap me back into shape. haha Yes. Pun intended.

I am going to sleep for a bit, and hopefully be ale to wake up in time to get a hold of Dr. Abel. Then I'm going to be studying until I hang out with Chris around 9/10.

And that will be my day.
I have the journal article review dealy... and I can't even find a freakin' article thus far.
I have going over the Italian stuff we did today that I skipped out on
I need to buy my plane tickets.
I need to buy a microphone
I need to do my reading for my politics class
and I need to do my reading for Music Therapy
Make flash cards
UGH!!!! SOOOO MUCH TO DO!!! I want to die.
dying would be easier than all this stress and anxiety
and pain my body is in from internalizing everything. I am so frustratred with my life, who I am, Why am I so anxious. suspitious. god damn
I feel so on edge all the time. and it's complete wearing me out!
I don't know that I can handle normal life.
Like everyone else can. And that's really scary!