I find myself realizing different challenges that I have, that seem to be no problem for other people. It's difficult for me to deal with people who have certain knowledge regarding social conduct, and the way the world works, and they just choose to ignore it.
Who are these people running around. just milling away on their regular schedule, with habitual things, they always tend to do. We are creatures of habit. Although, as I'm learning, these habits are good. They are an instinct of survival. there are certain things we need to do to survive in the world. everyday we need to asses what our work is that day for how to move forward in the end goal. survival. pay the bills, do laundry, clean, socialize/human contact, etc.
I have all these things running in my head. do this, and that. just like everyone else. But they all moving around so quickly, interrupted by 'this noise' which leads to 'a thought' which jumps to that one, and over there, and up, and down. without medication I would not be as productive in school as I am right now. and I don't work, nor am I taking a full credit load for the U of M, by petition through the disabilities services.
I'm an intelligent, bright, attractive, charismatic young woman. My mental process is different than what would be considered normal.
As a young kid, I was all over the place. on Medication since I was just a little one. I'm sure I needed it, which was not something that I have always felt. As I have gotten older I've started to understand what I need to learn differently from others, or work harder at, as well as what things come more easily to me, and how as well as where I excel.
anyway. I got off track. Go figure. So me!!
I'm going to start writing this blog to document my life. my reflections on what's going on around me. I'd really like to emphasize how I'm learning about how I need to adapt and find better methods for learning through the different disorders and such. How I think about the world around me. Perhaps it might be found useful some day, as a comparison to how other people think to themselves, privately. Their inner thoughts. a memoir [of] private thoughts. Ya know, a sign of psychosis is that you believe everyone can hear and therefore knows your thoughts. ... is it weird to think that my thoughts might be found valuable by someone in the future in regards to ADHD, dysthymia, or sleeping issues research..... I'm sure it is. But Maybe that person will be me, and this way I have paved a way for myself to use my own life as a template from which to create a spectrum. who knows. But for some reason I just feel that it is important.
Life dealing with these mental head games is no fun. I won't lie. However, you won't really find me complaining about not being able to concentrate either. I'm usually too busy trying to concentrate. just kidding.
This whole blog idea, if I keep it up which I REALLY hope I do and am imaging myself doing it for the future, is to keep a record of my thoughts and impressions of my adjustments to life, my developments, my revelations, and use these records to spread understanding, if anyone cares to keep up with my sillyness. However I in no way intend for this blog to be a pitty me, whoa is my and my life. That is not what this is about. I am a pretty, white, classy, suburb raised lady, and I had it really good. I have great parents, and a wonderful family. However, just like any family or anyone's bringing up, perfection is non existent. The purpose of all this is to inform anyone interested other than myself, the way that my brain processes.
it's late. and I need sleep. I see myself keeping up with this blog. so I'll blog with you all soooon. blum blum blum.
magPie
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