All of my family members have taken the time in their life to get to know themselves before they have taken a spouse. In a world that has been changed from interpersonal to technological how are we expected to have the same success in relationships as those before us. Women of history had men coming to their windows serenading them with music and declarations of love and lust. Today, what do we women get? A text that says "what's up?" I ask, how is that fair? How is a person suppose to be able to read between the lines when they literally only have lines to read?....
I have become overwhelmed by the demand of keeping my feelings and thoughts bottled up. Hidden and buried inside, constantly threatening to surface in one large explosion of all those little things I should have said.
So now I am left facing yet another departing "might have been" relationship before it ever came to fruition. And again I am haunted by the question, "what did I do?" Of course those close to me say, "it wasn't you." But if it repeatedly happens, then what is it that I do to push people away? Even the most honest people can't seem to handle my honesty.
Then, Back to Becky it is... Obviously.
At least I've made giant strides. I recognize what is happening and I'm being proactive about it. I refuse to ruminate or feel bad for myself. What am I doing, what can I change, and how do I go about doing that?!? This is life. I can't keep making the same choices and expect different results. SO I learn, and I grow, and I try to become a better person. I'm working towards the woman I want to be come. Unfortunately it doesn't happen over night. I can only improve a day at a time....
But I'm committed. I'm dedicated. I'm ready to take action.
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